Hurt

It hurt today when I texted you.

When I told you that I missed your smile and playful nature.

And you responded with "yes, my teen is bored to tears"

Sigh..

Like so many times before I opened my heart to you, said something that makes me feel vulnerable and your reaction left me feeling wide open and unseen.

I tried to follow up honestly 

"I miss your teen, yes, but really all of you."

And when that statement was ignored moved to sarcasm out of pain

"So only your teen misses me huh... I see how it is 😉"

When that was also met without a response I got angry. 

Fine. Forget it. I won't open up to you anymore. 

I know you're busy. I know you have a million irons in the fire, but it doesn't change how I feel. 

I took this experience and realized that I am not a victim in it. I get to choose who I open up to and when. 

I get to choose what to do with the love I send out that gets thrown back in my face or flat out ignored. 

I get to choose when to say something and when to just walk away.

And this time I knew it wasn't worth a direct conversation. It is enough to let you know what happened. 

But I'm done trying to make our relationship work. I do hope for friendship. 

But in order to be fully me, it means that I have to feel safe being open and knowing my heart won't be ignored. I hope in time that can happen for us, but I just don't know if it's a realistic possibility. You and I operate in totally different ways.

I am sad about today but empowered as well. 

I do miss you but not enough to keep getting the door slammed on my heart.